Lake Hawea, New Zealand
My husband and I have been living our ‘new’ life for just over three months now; a simpler life away from my job, the city and all our friends and family. Moving to a small community in a remote part of New Zealand was pretty much as far away from everything as we could get.
And this little escape plan was for a number of different reasons; for me I was exhausted and unhappy living in the city and working long hours and for my husband, I think apart from the draw of the ski fields : ) he desired more freedom and time for the good things in life and we both have a strong pull to live a quieter life, free of demands and distractions that don’t fit in with our simple ideals of happy living.
So far there have been boundless benefits to both our lives; being able to spend so much more time together and quality time doing things outdoors and discovering new hobbies, has been fun and rewarding. For me the biggest plus has been the time and space; two things that found me constantly frustrated in my ‘old’ life. I now have so much time and mental space to rest and dream and create; it has moved my mind and soul into a calmer and clearer state of being.
Yet I have not reached a true state of mental rest. Having struggled with anxiety all my life it has only been within the last 6 or 7 years that I have overcome the control and fear that dominated my life through anxiety attacks and depression. Yet that tense, uptight, insistent part of my mind is still ever present and I have, for all the rest and time and space enjoyed lately, not been able to shake it.
The thoughts and fears that whirl around my head, bouncing off the sides, a constant hammer that keeps me from truly finding the rest I seek in my soul.
There have been times when I was able to let go of this whirlwind that dwells inside me and it was then that these thoughts would flow through me, acknowledge, but I was able to let then pass out of my mind, freely, like drifting clouds across the sky.
I long to find this ability again and I know it is something that cannot be forced it must be coaxed and whispered; it must be believed and trusted. I must learn to let go, to detach myself from modes of thought and find the true core of myself. Only when I am truly grounded will I be able to let go without fear and have the strength to find true quiet and rest for my body, mind and soul.
Because I know I am far from the only one who struggles with anxiety; what follows is a few thoughts I had on finding this true quiet and rest:
1. Redefine relaxation
Sometimes we find perceive relaxation and rest in things that actually are doing more harm than good. I have some strange habits when it comes to relaxing. I quite often will reach for a beer or head to the couch to watch a little TV when I want to relax. But both of these things are stimulants rather than forms of relaxation. Stimulants such as alcohol or coffee are often associated with enhancing or relaxing our mood; but they can have negative effects on our mind and bodies that are detrimental to reaching an inner state of calm.
TV is another stimulant that can create a false sense of relaxation; our mind never really turns off when we watch the TV, it goes into a state of numbness but is constantly bombarded with stimuli in the form of sound, colour and images. Stimulants are a great way to avoid the issues and to turn off when really we need to tune in.
2. Communicate
Talking to people or sharing our thoughts on paper is a fantastic way to cast off the clatter of constant thoughts and fears that run around inside our head. By talking about our fears and inner thoughts we can shed new light on the issues and come at them from a different angle. Quite often what looked daunting inside our heads will seem manageable once brought out into the open.
Writing down thoughts and feelings is a way to really examine them, instead of just buzzing around our head we are forced to articulate the thoughts and this helps to dispel or confront them. Once confronted we can cast off these inner fears and feelings and find new focus.
3. Create
I have always found art a great release and a fantastic way to focus my mind. When we tune into our creative forces we free our mind and open new doorways to our conciseness.
Creating can be anything from cooking, gardening, writing, singing, playing music, poetry, drawing, painting, crafting, and photography and so much more. Through creative energy we are able to let go and clear our minds of the inner clamouring. Art is also a fantastic way to express our inner thoughts and fears and quite often with surprising results.
4. Believe
A true belief in ourselves in the best way to ground and quiet our fears and anxieties. It gives us a strong and focused front from which to meet our fears head on. When we truly believe in who we are we are able to face the inner voices of doubt and fear with conviction and certainty.
It is quite often this doubt and a difficulty to truly believe and have confidence in my inner self that generates so much of the clamour that bangs around inside my head. By focusing on my strong values, my faith in life and love, I can hold onto my true self and believe in who I am.
5. Let Go
Most importantly to find inner quite and rest we have to learn to let go. I spoke before of my thoughts drifting out of my head like clouds and this is just the way I like to imagine my thoughts as I let them go. It is important to acknowledge the way we feel, see the thoughts, acknowledge them and then let them go.
Holding onto fears, anxieties and negative feelings traps us into a state of unrest. The thoughts bounce around inside forcing themselves on our consciousness and often growing lager and scarier the longer they hide in there. Learning to let go is not always easy but I know unless I do I will not find the true inner rest I so desire.
I have no grand allusions of becoming a glowing light of inner peace and serenity; I simply desire some true quite and rest, to be able to live the life I crave for myself and the ones I love. To be focused and true in my actions and to live life to the fullest.
All of us will at times have fears and feelings to confront; and we no doubt have different ways to manage these so they do not become the driving force in our life. How do you find inner rest and quiet for your body, mind and soul? I would love to hear your thoughts…
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"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." ~Hellen Keller
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I like the first one, I find myself heading to my computer when my little boy goes down for a nap. I tell myself I’m relaxing but I know that my brain is still running on overdrive. Then I wonder why I’m so exhausted every day.
I also suffer from anxiety (well, a recent diagnosis said OCD) I do some of the things on your list and they really help, but some of the others I think I need to work at.
I like to sit on my balcony with a cup of tea, perhaps a pastry too, and watch birds fly past and the children playing on the playground in front of my apartment.
I also used to do Yoga every morning (before I had a little boy) and found it the perfect way to start my day with a clear mind. I should really take it up again.
Inner peace, I must admit, is a difficult state to attain. I also have my bouts of fear, anxiety and depression; yet with all my might I do my best to step above it. I oftentimes associate myself with my mind, but our minds are full of noise and it does not welcome silence. It goes back and forth with illusions that is the source of our agitations.
To experience inner peace requires the letting go of the mind. It takes wisdom to attain this capacity. In my struggle, I learn to let my mind as it is; calling upon my inner self, I had managed to observe my mind and detach from it.
Thank you both kindly for your comments : )
Satakieli life most be so much more challenging yet so much more full with a child, I can’t begin to imagine thank you for sharing your thoughts and yes I am guilt of jumping on the computer to “relax” as well…
Walter how true that the mind does not seem to welcome silence and to find that inner peace it requires us to let go, thank you for sharing!!
peace to you both : )